CR 807! Cristiano Ronaldo becomes football's ALL-TIME top goalscorer with - brace yourself - 807 goals

This was supposed to be the Man Utd - Tottenham Hotspur match report in which we would describe all the exciting moments of the game, emphasizing the result and, potentially, some bizarre moments down the road.

But if there was a moment and chance to neglect such a routine, it's now thanks to his highness Mr Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro.

The Portuguese magician made history nailing a sensational hat-trick against Spurs at Old Trafford to become the first-ever player in football history to score - mamma mia! - 807 goals! Only two were enough for him to surpass late Austro-Czech striker Josef Bican who scored 805 ages ago. However, Ronaldo wouldn't be such a maverick if he wouldn't raise the bar even a bit higher to deserve the immortal status once and for all. A mid-range missile, followed by a tap-in and sealed with a jaw-dropping header, deserve nothing but a standing ovation. CR 807!

Yes, by the way, United eventually won 3-2 to whom it may concern. One unplayable Cristiano was all they needed to top Antonio Conte's slot, which continued its awkward rollercoaster of inconsistent performances.

An intense first half brought us not one, not two, but three goals and plenty of action on both ends. We couldn't ask for a more dazzling opening than it was that Cristiano Ronaldo's opener 12 minutes into the game. Fred left him the ball with ease, and the Portuguese magician fired the mid-range, trademark strike of his to raise the heat at Old Trafford.

Inconsistent as they are, the Spurs didn't succumb to despair but fired back soon, on the wings of - who other than - Harry Kane. After Alex Telles hit the ball with his hand in the middle of the area, Kane successfully converted a spot-kick to tie the game at one.

The ups and downs of Conte's side didn't stop there, of course, as history was about to happen. Matic found an unmarked Sancho on the left flank, his cross found Cristiano in the heart of the six-yard box, and one of the best-ever scored the 806th goal of his career to become the first-ever who did it.

However, the game was tied after United's centre-back Harry Maguire scored a dreadful own goal in an attempt to clear the ball from the box. And just when it seemed the fixture would stay in the stalemate, CR 807 jumped sky-high and launched it straight into the back of Lloris' net. For the win, for the hat-trick, for the history!

PREMIER LEAGUE - ROUND 29

Saturday

Brighton - Liverpool 0-2 (0-1)

/Diaz 19, Salah 61(p)/

Brentford - Burnley 2-0 (0-0)

/Toney 85, 90+4/

Man Utd - Tottenham 3-2 (2-1)

/Cristiano Ronaldo 12, 38, 81 - Kane 35 pen, Maguire 72 og/

20:30: (2.30) Man.Utd. (3.50) Tottenham (3.25)

Sunday

17:00: (1.60) Leeds (4.00) Norwich (5.70)

17:00: (2.35) Everton (3.15) Wolverhampton (3.50)

17:00: (1.65) Southampton (3.80) Watford (6.25)

17:00: (1.35) Chelsea (5.30) Newcastle (10.0)

17:00: (2.30) West Ham (3.40) Aston Villa (3.35)

19:30: (1.55) Arsenal (4.40) Leicester (6.50)

Monday

23:00: (9.50) Crystal Palace (5.50) Man.City (1.35)

*** odds are subject to change***